The Cost of Rumination
How Replaying the Past Increases Shame in Grief
Maybe it starts in the morning.
Maybe it creeps in just before sleep.
That relentless loop of questions:
What if I had called sooner?
What if I’d noticed the signs?
What if I had done something—anything—differently?
This is rumination. It’s the mind’s way of trying to make sense of loss—an attempt to regain control in the face of something that feels senseless. But instead of soothing, it often deepens shame, guilt, and emotional fatigue.
The Research
In fact, a 2022 study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that high ruminators—particularly women—are significantly more likely to experience complicated grief, anxiety, and depressive symptoms.
So how do we quiet the cycle?
Here’s a quick nervous system reset:
A Simple Exercise
The 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Method
5 things you can see
4 things you can touch
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste
This somatic exercise anchors you in the present—the only moment you have influence over.
Because the “what-ifs” belong to a past that can’t be rewritten.
But you are still here.
And you’re still writing today.
Until next time…
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